This week I rediscovered, but in a completely new way, something I used to love...something that once was a powerful and intense force in my physical, mental and spiritual life. Yoga. Only this time, as opposed to 15 years ago, I'm exploring the practice of Bikram Yoga, wherein the room is heated to a whopping 105˚ and you are still expected to hold intensely difficult postures for a very unreasonable amount of time. With all the sweating happening in there, it's a lot like an orgiastic triathalon on a typical mid-afternoon in Houston in July. Uh...well, kinda.
I started hearing about "hot" yoga a couple of years ago and, like most things outisde the realm of the Christian faith, I dismissed it as something I could not participate in. How ironic that after taking just two classes, I feel closer to God than I have in years.
There are many reasons I'm falling in love with yoga again, and that I'm grateful for having the opportunity to practice it at this specific time in my life. Most significantly, I've felt completely lost spiritually since I broke up with my church and moved to Austin. Until I was faced with the seemingly impossible challenge of wearing as few clothes as possible and actually looking at myself in the mirror...in the EYE yet...I hadn't realized how much I've been avoiding the last few months. This week I've been confronted with mySelf, and am timidly, warily, learning to connect with who I happen to be right in this moment.
It's amazing how strong the urge is to avoid, look away, avoid...unnerving how I have to remind myself or be externally reminded to simply open my eyes. So now I'm noticing other situations where I'm avoiding looking directly at people...not only in merely transactional relationships like the grocery store, but even in conversations with friends...and especially in my therapist's office.
Suffice to say there is some good, deep, synchronistic healing going on. Fortunately, I know from experience that self-awareness is hard-won, and never without some growing pain. But I've reached a point in my human bean existence: I'd rather sit in the hot seat than swim in the cool, comfortable waters of illusion and stagnancy.
Passion
